Every time I hear someone say, “I should” my shoulders cringe up. It means that someone is putting themselves down; has an unrealistic perspective of their value; or is not clear on their role. When you say, “I should” – you aren’t implying “I will” or “I did.” You are implying that you aren’t living up to a certain standard.
Should implies obligation or duty.
I “should” use my time better. I “should” spend more time at my desk. I “should” meal plan. I “should” pick up the counter. I “should” file papers. I “should” wear make-up.
As a generalization, women tend to do things to please and appease. We compare ourselves to others. We have expectations on our shoulders – oftentimes put there by ourselves — that are an unattainable moving target. We “should” on ourselves over and over, and that gets us nowhere.
“Boiling water will soften a potato but harden an egg. You can't control if you're a potato or an egg.”
James Clear, author Atomic Habits
We are all made differently. We have different habits and routines. What works for me, doesn’t work for you. My childhood experiences make me respond to situations in a way that’s different than your responses. My marriage requires things to flow in a way that could demolish your relationships. I need structure, you need space for creativity.
There is no one way, so it’s a detriment to think we “should.” (is this starting to sound like a Dr. Seuss book?)
I challenge you to take the word “should” out of your vocabulary. Replace it with something affirming, true, and clear.
Words are a powerful tool. You don’t have to pay for words, but they can cost you a lot.
WHAT DO I DO WITH THIS LEARNING?
It’s time for you to take action to be more efficient with your time and less overwhelmed with work and life. I help women who balance business and household find order and peace of mind. Contact me to let me know where you feel stuck.